I have written mostly of the positive aspects that come with moving to China; whether they are inherently positive or just amusing is a separate issue, but, either way, The China Diaries portions of Thought's Dowinion have mostly shied away from anything serious. Moving to another country, I knew there would be struggles. That's part of the deal. That's even part of the appeal.
I do seem to be having a rather rough time of it this week. If you were to ask me right now if I'm glad I came to China, the answer would be "Yes." If you were to ask me right now if I'm happy here, the answer would be somewhat less certain. There are many reasons for this, some that will change and others that are less likely to do so. It is, I'm sure, cyclical.
I realized today that I have not hugged anyone in 40 days. Outside of a handshake, I haven't had any sort of physical contact with another human being since 4 September. And, lest there be misunderstanding, I mean that in a completely platonic way. I miss hugging friends goodbye. I miss laying my head in a friend's lap while watching a movie. I miss the feeling that there's someone there. That's the hardest part. You're alone in ways you didn't expect, because, if you're lucky, you've never experienced them before.